"your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding" Kahlil Gabran

rockin mommas

i am always intrigued by how much we want to resist pain. childbirth is a great example. we view the pain of giving birth as bad- however through the pain comes an incredible being...a gift.

i used to run from pain until i gave birth. i realized the potential in allowing my body to feel it- and what was on the other side of it...

was more gratitude- more life- a beautiful child and endless potential of what my body can do.

miracles.

this is just one area- but in life there are many experiences that bring the feeling of sadness and pain. it aint fun to be in those times, however, when we allow ourselves to feel it, there is another side.

maybe a deeper understanding of a lesson that was needed to be seen/healed. maybe a deeper love of life...maybe peace.

we are all different which ROCKS- but we are also all the same.

when my daughter falls and gets a boo boo she wants me to kiss it better....

i wonder what the world would look like if as moms we asked others to help us ...support us...and love us in those moments of pain.

i believe in our potential- i believe that in order to demonstrate to our children what it FEELS like to be supported we need to experience for ourselves.

pain, joy, confusion, frustration all have their place.

we are human beings that go through this thing called life to DISCOVER more about who we are; just like our children do.

why is it that at times, we forget to kiss our own boo boo's? 

my hope for the world..and for all you mommas is that you embrace your feelings- ask for love and support in the boo boo times and RECEIVE the kisses that make you feel better

this is the very essence of unconditional love...

and it starts from within...

forGIVE

when i was younger, i always had a soft spot for the underdog- the "geeks or nerds" they were labeled or the ones who never really got a chance to participate. i was blessed to be called on "first" in all gym activities and had numerous friends and things i enjoyed. looking back, i see why i felt such a deep well of empathy for those who were "left out"- in some ways, i was left out too.

our exterior may not always be ALL that we are. most people have always viewed me as outgoing and happy- positive and joyful- which is true. but there have been times in my life where i have felt deep pain, anger, sadness and confusion about how others have treated me. 

what i want to joyfully explore is how we react to life? what we do when we are the underdog or the last ones to be called. we have all been there, but it is how we react to these moments of life that are our greatest teachers.

are we victims to life? is life happening to us, or are we here to learn from our experiences..see what it is teaching us about parts of ourselves?

too often i come across mothers who judge how they mother, or are always feeling inadequate on some level regarding their mothering space.

too often we feel we are just not "enough"- and i would like to dive into another way of seeing ourselves- not only as moms, but as whole beings.

we did not come here with a manual- we came here to learn and discover - 

some things in our lives we may regret or wish we did differently, but they happened in order for us to for GIVE and GIVE back to ourselves in new ways.

one things parenting gives to us is the feeling of unconditional love. no matter WHAT we love our children- i wonder if its possible for us to love ourselves in this way? to hold that nurturing space for forgiveness and love no matter what- 

no matter what our dress size is, or how we looked that day ,felt that day, acted etc.

forgiving is an act of giving out love. to others and ourselves

i wonder what our world would look like if we all took a moment to be more gentler on ourselves. to value that we are all enough- and that life is not meant to be done perfectly. that learning is life...

i wonder what our children would see if we all loved ourselves as much as we love them. provided a space for ourselves to express, feel, fall and get back up- like we for them. what would this demonstrate to them?

i hear more often then not, mothers focusing on what they need to do better. i wonder what playdates would look like if we celebrated ourselves more like we celebrated our children?

with each new "step" we congratulate ourselves for showing up...to the unknown of motherhood.

with grace

and forgiveness....

and humor.

i wonder...

Whole Mama

more and more i understand the dialogue between women. women who choose to "work" outside the home and women who choose to work inside the home. either way, we are in this boat together and so often we separate. we read books on "mommy wars" and place one another in categories so to speak.

i am writing with the playful hope that we begin to see the similarities within the labels. that we understand AS WOMEN that we are not alone. that our choices are our choices, and there is no right or wrong in that.

before i had my daughter, i had my own beliefs around motherhood. the only aspect or role i had to look at was my own mother, which at the time, i had a mixed relationship with. however, after having my daughter all things changed for me internally. i began to look at my limiting ideas around mothering, and heal and VALUE my own mothers choice. 

it is a dance. i am no way proposing that i have it all figured out , for as all mothers can say, it is a continuous process ...it never stops. GUILT is taught. and boy, do we know how to take that lesson on. 

we feel guilty if we choose to "stay at home"- or we feel guilt if we choose to "work outside the home" what i want to propose is we are always working. our job as mothers, never ends- no matter "where" we choose to work. we are always working on how to navigate being whole- doing what our hearts want, and also providing a nurturing, solid foundation for our children. we are always working on how to manage time- be present - and create safety for all involved at home.

i have to say- i am in awe of women. i am in awe of how much WE CAN navigate- and also how little we can (at times) forget to nurture ourselves.

my mother shared with me that she wishes she brought me up the way i am raising my daughter- and for the first time i stated

" you did an incredible job mom"

for she did. she loved me. she still loves me. she wanted what is best for me. and she still wants what is best for me.

we may go about it "differently" but the underlying THEME is the same

so where is it - where is that FINE line of providing love- for another and also making sure we take care of ourselves?

my daughter is 3 years young, however has gifted me with MORE lessons then i EVER dreamnt possible. one being that I am a role model for her. does mommy lose herself? does mommy put herself LAST on the list? does mommy live authentically- or does she accomodate for others? how does mom talk to people? how does mom handle stress? does my mommy play? can my mommy be present?

no pressure:)

but it is something that is useful. humbling, but true. we are always learning. if we allow ourselves to OPEN up to learning from our "mistakes" in life and view them as valuable LIFE TOOLS to move forward, then life is our playground.

i do believe that being a whole person is essential in providing a solid foundation for our children. this meaning, how we are in the world- not living FOR our children, but LOVING them- guiding them- supporting them- listening to them- 

our world can begin to create a generation of children who trust themselves. who value wholeness as opposed to separatism and fragmentation.

if i can be me- in ALL areas of my life- i am putting out a red carpet for my daughter to experience and see how important it is to always be yourself. 

not be one way at work

or another way with my partner

or another way with my child..etc.

to create a life- that encompasses all aspects of me- 

i do not have the answers for processing the guilt. at times i do not want to go to teach, and just want to BE with my daughter. what i have realized is to share this with her.

"ya know sweetie, mama doesnt feel like teaching right now, but i am going to do this. it is important i go for it supports our family"

in stead of pretending and hiding my feelings" mommy is going to go and is so excited about it"

to negate my truth- negates her truth

it teaches her to hide her feelings and act as if "it is okay"

and that is not benefiting her, me or the world, for we all know that sometimes we just dont want to do things.

and yet we need to

to be honest is what sets the tone for our children to be honest with themselves. and even though they may "have to do" things, that at least they are not PRETENDING.

for this is what has perpetuated our society into what we are doing now.

pretending

just pretend it is okay

or just dont show them how you feel..

or just fit in.

mamas, being whole involves being honest with ourselves. of course we do not need to share ALL details with our children but we can definately be honest...with OURSELVES.

that is a great place to start.

lets play.