Letting go off control

I don't know a single pregnant woman and a future father who wants to parent from a place of frustration and effort. A pregnant woman is creating a sanctuary space for a new person to come into their life, she is thinking about the amazing experiences she will have breastfeeding, playing, watching a child grow, teaching a child about the world around, telling stories, creating the best life her and her partner in crime can possibly give to this miracle. But how come as the children grow older, the responsibilities pile up, demands pile up, everyday chores become more important than taking a moment and saying hello to each other and recognizing each other as we are and many parents forget about joyful experiences they meant to create every day with their children and themselves? When do we lose our enthusiasm and excitement about becoming parents?


We have been so culturally conditioned that we are afraid to talk about experiences that affect us negatively, we are afraid to talk about behaviors that are not accepted socially especially when we talk about children. Mothers are so afraid to talk about their child's “bad” behavior because the first thing they will experience is the invalidation from everyone around them, it implies that she is not doing a good job. We brag about our how bright our children are, how fast they learn, how amazing it is to be a a parent and how wonderful are our children which is true and wonderful experience but we hide the times of challenges such as children being violent, children being disrespectful towards their parents, children not listening and screaming, children not following instructions. It's because this behavior has been labeled as unacceptable and in this society there is no room for a child to express frustrations and be socially unacceptable. Most of us jump into judgment, we label a child, rather than look within ourselves, look at our child and find out where this is coming from. There are no coincidence in the universe, every thought, every act, every movement we make is based on what's happening in our inner world and in outer world.

We live in a culture where things are supposed to be perfect. We must have the perfect house, a perfect car, a perfect body, a perfect child who follows the rules of society and is calm and quiet all the time. Over the years, American dream has created many broken families, broken relationships, angry children, a stressed and frustrated nation. The pursuit of perfection has taught us to fear change, to fear newness, to fear anything that we are not familiar with and to fear children. It's not uncommon for schools, daycare's to ask parents to take their child away because this child is out of control. Why are we so obsessed about controlling children? I was one of those out of control children and to this day I get to hear how hard it was to control me. All I needed as child is a simple recognition and safe space to play and to be who I am. We want to control every aspect of our children's life including their play time. In this society spontaneous play is disappearing and even such a dynamic and expanding space as play is being controlled by adults. We control what they wear, we control their actions, we control who they play with, we control pretty much every aspect of a child's life without giving them a space to explore. Of course, if it doesn't work so we try even harder and create even stricter rules and demands from ourselves and our children. This society even created a cure for such children, the number of children being diagnosed for ADHD is increasing and school encourage parents to give children the drugs. It's easier to control a child who is drugged isn't it?. If we start looking within each family, we will discover that parents are out of control with their punishment and rewards, competitions, high expectations of grades, with their expectations of good behavior etc. . The real problem is control. As we control, we are creating another generation of controller and the vicious cycle repeats itself. When did we start expecting children to sit still for 5 hours at the age of 4? When did we forget about play and exploration of the moment? At what age did we forget about the fluid and dynamic nature of play?

An acquaintance of mine told me that punishment is the way to go after all, the method of punishment has been used for centuries and it worked on us. But did it really work? I know so many people who are still angry at their parents and I know so many children who are angry at their parents.

We are so stuck on our own belief system and what's right or wrong that we are unable to recognize the child as a spirit, as a someone who is a pure intelligence and who has his/her own answers. Consequently, children always fail to thrive as human beings, as creative forces under the strict, reward-punishment reality.

I think it's time to let off our agenda, our strong belief system, attempts to control and be open to change, growth and expansion. After all, that is why we are here for as spiritual beings. We want to grow and change and experience. Now listen to your body, listen to your intuition and listen to your truth. What are you hearing?

Irina
www.clairvoyantcounseling.com